Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he puts the penis in happiness.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
