Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
