The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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