that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
