This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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