where am i from again
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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