I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
