$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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