Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Sext me about skeletons
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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