Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize