I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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