Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
