Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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