oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
