Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize