Duck Duck Cougar?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
