Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
