I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
