I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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