apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
