I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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