I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
