oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
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