Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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