Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
