Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
