i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
