I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
