aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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