I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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