I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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