Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
