i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
