First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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