I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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