I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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