Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize