life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
