last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize