im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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