i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Everything about him screamed your future.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
