hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
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