I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
