When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
