Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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