I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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