so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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