It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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