dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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