I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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