I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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