2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
