I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
