I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My bed smells like the plague
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
