i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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