What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
