i permit you to call me
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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