i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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