Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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