Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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