So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
