so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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