I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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