Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
