Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
3 2 1 whiskey
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
