Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

There is no way he is gay with that hair.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina

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(352): View more from Florida

all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits

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(540): View more from Virginia

Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right

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(785): View more from Kansas

I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.

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(952): View more from Minnesota

Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.

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(313): View more from Michigan

I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.

(1-313): View more from Michigan

Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Is that your mom climbing in your window dude

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(317): View more from Indiana

QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES

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