I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I see more hoeing in ur future
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