And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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