i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
