Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
